New Restroom Adventure
Anyone who knows me or my friends very well knows that we invariably report strange happenings that occur during trips to public restrooms upon returning to the table, bar stool, etc. They may also know that at least two companies I’ve worked for have had a large number of male workers who, judging by the bodily noises they frequently produce from the stall, must be on a strict diet of chili and ex-lax®.
Today something quite different happened. I’m very sensitive to the activities that take place while I am in a public restroom. Today I went to the closest restroom and it was full. So I went to a different one downstairs. There was some bullshit going on in a stall. I don’t know what was happening in there, but I will describe what it must have been:
First a Twinkie
® was opened. In a panic the owner realized it was not Twinkie® Time and desperately wanted to re-close the package. However, instead of calmly folding the plastic wrapper’s edge shut, the person in question devised a devious plan. A pair of gloves was hastily fashioned from the sports page. Then using only these new paper accessories, a yardstick, and a blind-fold he began violently trying to re-seal the package in a fecal fit of rage… for several minutes.
I was at the urinal trying not to think about it. Keep in mind that I have no evidence that this is what was happening other than the sounds emanating from his stall. I can say, though, that the offender had enough sense to wait for me to leave the restroom before he exited his irrational Hostess® battlefield. By the time it was all over I kind of missed the chili and laxative crowd in a way.