Fighting Terrorism at Home
I have cut the instances of suicide bombings in my household in half very easily. I simply remind the suicide bombers that if any of them suicide bomb me again I will request that the Mormons pray to get them into the Christian heaven. it goes like this:
“Listen up suicide bombers!!! All of you fuckers need to remember that if even one of you tries to suicide bomb my ass I will instruct the Mormons to start holding prayer vigils every night to get your eternal soul into the the MOTHER – FUCKING – KINGDOM – OF – JESUS – THE – CHRIST. THAT’S JUST HOW I ROLL!!!” Then I proceed to break the end of a pencil off in my mouth like a stick of beef jerky then cry myself to sleep when I can’t use it to make a grocery list.
It’s a surprisingly effective.