Espionage Enterprises

Warning! Rant ahead.

Let me first start by saying I have nothing specifically against disabled people of any kind. My concern comes in with the Handicapped Tags for cars and parking lots. In my humble opinion these would be best suited for a disabled person who has someone driving them around and not actually themselves being the driver. I have had a theory for years that if there is a disability that I need to be aware of as a fellow driver it stands to reason that maybe that person should not be driving. I mean, if it’s important enough to have it all over the car… Maybe the driver who is not physically or mentally impaired to the degree that it’s important for nearby cars to know about it could park close to the front of the store, etc and everyone’s happy.

So far, even this is not really much for me to be upset about. What I AM upset about is the fact that over the 15+ years that I have been driving I have noticed a disproportionately large percentage of drivers that PISS ME OFF that also happened to have the blue tag on their rear view mirrors. And believe me, I examined them to make certain it wasn’t some random other type of tag.

Example: Today as I drove to work two *separate* drivers at two different parts of the highway were driving SLOWER THAN ANY OTHER DRIVER AND DOING SO IN THE FAR LEFT LANE. Do they not see the long snakelike trail of cars going around them? Maybe they’re blind and that’s the disability in question. That’s why there is Braille on the drive up ATM keypads!? By the way, I used to tell people my theory about that, too. No one (except me) thought it was funny.

To all of you shitty drivers out there: In the words of the great Dr. Dre, “Y’all gonna are gonna keep fuckin’ around with me and turn me back to the old me!”

-Kevin

P.S. Hug anyone, by the end of the day, who once threw a pizza party for you.